the beginning

Hello, I am planning on using this site to "scratch at the surface of my life" and hopefully connect with someone who is a kindred spirit or perhaps, someone of a completely different cloth.

I am a narcissist...
"A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in
self-esteem."
hmmmm, this nearly holds true except that I consider myself highly empathetic. Perhaps, I'm not. I'll try to explore that....

Last night, I watched Citizen Kane. http://www.filmsite.org/citi.html
thoughts:
*Orson Welles was HOT as a young man in his twenties. Too bad, he was hot before my dad was even born, eh?
*Don't we all seek to be loved? I wonder what it would mean to need to be loved more than to love someone....
*Charles Foster Kane loved no one more than himself. Does this mean he was incapable of love?
*If I want to be known and loved, am I asking too much?

Ok. Back to me (she says with tongue placed firmly in cheek)
Here's some info about my "disease"
"Hashimoto's Thyroiditis"
" Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (also called autoimmune or chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis) is the most common type of thyroiditis. It is named after the Japanese physician, Hakaru Hashimoto, that first described it in 1912. The thyroid gland is always enlarged, although only one side may be enlarged enough to feel. During the course of this disease, the cells of the thyroid becomes inefficient in converting iodine into thyroid hormone and "compensates" by enlarging (for a review of this process see our function page). The radioactive iodine uptake may be paradoxically high while the patient is hypothyroid because the gland retains the ability to take-up or "trap" iodine even after it has lost its ability to produce thyroid hormone. As the disease progresses, the TSH increases since the pituitary is trying to induce the thyroid to make more hormone, the T4 falls since the thyroid can't make it, and the patient becomes hypothyroid. The sequence of events can occur over a relatively short span of a few weeks or may take several years."

Now that we've/I've discussed what's wrong with my body, you may see why, in part, I am
fat, over-weight, voluptuous...beefy, big, blimp, brawny, broad, bulging, bulky, bull, burly, butterball, chunky, corpulent, cow, elephantine, fleshy, gargantuan, gross, heavy, heavyset, hefty, husky, inflated, jelly-belly, large, meaty, 'a woman of size', oversize, Rubenesque, plump, plumpish, ponderous, porcine, portly, potbellied, pudgy, roly-poly, rotund, solid, stout, stubby, swollen, thickset, tubby, weighty, well-padded (I love http://www.dictionary.com... I added a few synonyms of my own)

I am also : cushy, fertile, flourishing, fruitful, good, lush, and thriving.

Welcome to me.
(an enigma wrapped in a blanket of comfort posing as a paradox)