things to feel sick about

it's the day of the "show." i am feeling ill at ease.
my art reception is being held this afternoon.
i am afraid that no one will show up.
or rather, fewer than 10 people will show up.

i love some of the paintings in the show and
feel rather tepid about others.

i am feeling sad.

am i any good as an artist?
does my art have any credibility?

if no one turns up, it's my fault.
i'm not happy with this show overall. not enough cohesiveness.
too few paintings. no prices. no titles. just the paintings.

i'm being uncooperative.
a disagreeable artist.

i am feeling anti-social.
this may be a carry-over from work.
i am feeling overwhelmed.
so many boxes and boxes and boxes of clothing.
fewer hours being given to use.
so much work.
"is your store closing???"
more and more damaged pieces of merchandise.
people have lost their respect for our label.
liquidation. ugh.

fred is a pessimist. he keeps telling me that kerry is
going to lose. i truly hope not. i'm still recovering from
the 2000 election. i am still bitter.
so many people were disenfranchised!!!!
how can you believe in democracy when you find out about
all the dirty tricks which were played upon the american
public last time around??? people being labeled as felons???
(ie voting black)

this time around already doesn't look much better.
how do you lose 56,000 ballots???

i am feeling soul sick.

maybe this is why my cold won't leave me.

too much "bad mojo."