some days are better than others

this is my second time writing this entry...

ugh.

must remember to 'save as draft' when writing long, wandering ponderings about life
as i know it...

i began the other entry with this song...

U2 - Some Days Are Better Than Others Lyrics
Some days are dry, some days are leaky
Some days come clean, other days are sneaky
Some days take less, but most days take more
Some slip through your fingers and onto the floor
Some days you're quick, but most days you're speedy
Some days you use more force than is necessary
Some days just drop in on us
Some days are better than others
Some days it all adds up
And what you got is not enough
Some days are better than others
Some days are slippy, other days sloppy
Some days you can't stand the sight of a puppy
Your skin is white but you think you're a brother
Some days are better than others
Some days you wake up with her complaining
Some sunny days you wish it was raining
Some days are sulky, some days have a grin
And some days have bouncers and won't let you in
Some days you hear a voice
Taking you to another place
Some days are better than others
Some days are honest, some days are not
Some days you're thankful for what you've got
Some days you wake up in the army
And some days it's the enemy
Some days are work, most days you're lazy
Some days you feel like a bit of a baby
Lookin' for Jesus and His mother
Some days are better than others
Some days you feel ahead
You're making sense of what she said
Some days are better than others
Some days you hear a voice
Taking you to another place
Some days are better than others.

today began poorly.
my head was throbbing after having been surrounded by...
smokers
last night.
i wrote a snippy note to a really cute guy,
who didn't deserve a snippy note.
(sorry beckett.)

(SIGH)
i am still hoping to learn how to be...
even a little zen-like
in waiting for godot.

i hobbled downstairs.
called my dad.
(who, for years, was my father... paternal unit, not clergy)
a nice, yet, awkward conversation.
(a relationship with many wounds slowly being healed)

does time heal all wounds?
not really,
i think we just learn to live with our scars.

after i hung up,
the phone rang.
i dread day time calls on the land line.
telemarketers...
selling free cruises.
wanting more student loan money.
offering the opportunity to incur more credit card debt.

yet, i picked up.

YEAH!!!
Zoey!
i miss zoey. yet, she doesn't call. i don't call.
we don't talk for weeks
or even months.
yet, she is one of my favourite, as her mom calls her, "child volunteers"
(heh, zoey, have you googled me? have i been dooced?)
she's no longer a child... but her mom has been a librarian for a long time.

we walked.
we picked up hot java at the railway cafe.

i confessed a crush that i am forming...
she listened
and understood...
which is good because i'm not sure that i understand my crush.


we were stood up by two very nice trollops...
which left us alone to drink the incredible green tea
(organic earl greyer, green tea)
to watch the best film ever made....

CASABLANCA!!!!

and to be lovingly surrounded by domestic livestock.

later...
as i leashed up the livestock for a walk...
the phone rang.

ugh.

land line.

i answered. begrudgingly.
preparing for the inevitable recording.
the request to "please stay on the line..."

SHANTI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(we hadn't spoken in months.)

two calls in one day...
on the land line.

some days are better than others.

now, that i've re-written this post...

i owe mr. unwonderful an apology... (referring to the blog, "unwonderful")
this entry lost some lustre in re-writing it...

but today felt perfect
even in its imperfection.

now, i am scratching at a scar...
i try to forget it is there...
but sometimes, it itches.