joy

life passes by so quickly. i am a jumbled human being. i journal here, there, and everywhere: on scraps of paper, in a half dozen books, in letters to friends, and rarely (these days) here. my journal is scattered like fall leaves.

someday... i fantasize about being organized less scattered.

today, i called a friend to wish her a happy thanksgiving on her answering machine... a friend who once wrote me to say that we should no longer be friends. she had outgrown me. i had failed her. i was no longer the person she wished to know. our friendship was a thing of the past.

i was hurt.
i wanted to argue... to throw back insults, to defend myself, to explain myself, to say... hey.... but...
i've written her dozens of letters while walking my dog.
none of them reached print.
they spoke of my grief, my loss.... they reeked of ME.
i could never find just the right words.
i knew that every attempt would seem like an argument.
i didn't want to argue.
she had made some valid points and on the points that i disagreed, arguing my point would be senseless and even meaningless. life is subjective. when someone feels a certain way, you can either accept their feelings or not; but you cannot change them. you cannot talk someone into feeling the way you want them to feel.

today, we spoke. we shared. we listened. we laughed. we chatted.
today, we were friends again.
we spoke of our lives. our family. our selves.
i told her that i missed her. and she told me that she missed me too.

friends are better than chocolate, better than sex, better than....
anything.
life is not worth living wihtout friends.

today, i am grateful beyond words for the friends in my life.

if anyone reads this, i hope that you have at least one good friend in this world.

i just wrote my friend a thank you note.
i hope to be a better friend to her in the future.

my heart is singing with a pure JOY!!!!!