blowing out candles & wishing

it's my birthday.

ptuey!

i am feeling sad
a sense of emptiness
a lingering hunger
feeling flustered
wanting to reach out and touch flesh



i ache to stand in front of chagall's windows at the art institute of chicago.
drink in the vivid blues
digest the flashes of yellow and red
imagine his hand upon the glass

i want to crawl inside someone's arms and forget myself.

i want to wad myself up and start over.

i am drinking coffee and wearing big baggy sweats.
sitting watching the day drift by like clouds across the sky.

FIONA APPLE
"Love Ridden"

Love ridden,
I've looked at you
With the focus I gave to my birthday candles
I've wished on the lidded blue flames
Under your brow
And baby, I wished for you
Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed

And I wanna crawl in with you

But I cry instead
I want your warm,

So I can't tonight, baby
No, not "baby" anymore -
if I need you
I'll just use your simple name

Only kisses on the cheek from now on...

the passing of love
love unattainable
ellusive
desiring a state of zen-like lack of desire

without knowing even your simple name,
i want to wrap you up tightly in my words,
make love to you with my entire being,
listen to your hopes & dreams,

be my muse,
be my fuel,
be my loveroot

teach me how to trust

be kind
be honest
be with me

this is my birthday wish