benji

i've known benji for years.
i've always had a deep affection for benji.

he's a wide open loving person.

he speaks without thinking...

last night, i spent the night first in a bar and than, at a house.
we played cards.

i only played one hand and poorly.
benji was my partner.

then, he and i retired to the couch to watch tv.
he turned the station to soft porn.
i knit.
we cuddled... a little.
sat close to each other

benji loves porn.
i think he always has.

we touched a little more and more through the night,
discreet touching.
slight brushes of the hand.

i wanted to touch his entire body...

i want to kiss him.




i've known him since we were children.
i am older than him.



he invited me into his house.
i wanted the invitation...
but i declined.
i played the hand poorly.



a few hours later, i wish i were curled in benji's arms
yet, grateful i am not

because i'm not sure how to reconcile our past & the newness of wanting to touch him.