i love you

fumbling with my words makes me

(self
conscious)



i have a knack
for saying
the wrong thing
or
saying
the right thing
wrong.

(or so i've been told)


i stumble over my words
and hesitate over my meanings.


i care deeply about him.


he makes sense to me.
his ideas reflect my ideas.
his passions mirror my passions.



he makes the perfect cup of coffee.


i am attracted to the expansiveness of his mind
the exuberance of his spirit


i ache to love him...

and yet,

i hesitate.


unsure.

afraid.


will he throw my love aside?

will he feel...

nothing?
(apathy is pernicious.)




i worry
....... about other women.

i worry
....... about falling deeply in love with him.

i worry
....... about him falling in love with me.



instead, of focussing on these worries,
i focus my energy of improving his energy,
kneading away his tension,
releasing his fear...

being positive
is not
happenstance.

hope is a choice.
love requires the ability
to
leap

and

believe.




someday,


i will love him...

if he lets me.


and


then,

it will be
ok
when i say the wrong thing

because

i will be 'home'
and he
will be
my soft landing.