here i am

i was unnecessarily hostile

yelling
can be it own form of violence

and my words were filled with the anger of a wounded person

you don't know
or don't realize
how
or if?
i've been wounded.

i have been.

i thought that you were my primary relationship.
i thought that you were my closest of close.
i thought that you loved me.

and i know my love for you.

despite your assertion that we are not 'intimate'
i do love you.

yet,
i need to be apart from you.

i do not wish to coerce you into loving me.
i do not want to possess you.

you are angry at me.
this makes me feel like a simpleton.
ignorant and stupid.

you act as though i have in some way conned you...
or caused you to act against your wishes...

please know that i've acted with honesty and good faith.

please know that i want only good things for you.

please know that i care for your deeply.


have i advertised a bond with you?
advertise seems like such a vulgar word.
i have been open and honest about loving you...
and struggling to understand your pain.

i did believe that you and i formed a sort of partnership.
i thought that you had chosen me as your primary relationship...

i feel stripped
naked
exposed

the jenny has no relationship.


i don't know how to proceed.
when you realize that you've been acting on a false perception of the world,
how do you determine what is real?

today,
you shifted my reality.

it hurt.

i do not recognize the woman whom you are attacking.
i rummage through my mind and feel a disconnect bewtween your words & my actions.


i am numb
and cannot sort my thoughts.