dating in the land of wieners

blogging my dating life... hmmm, so far, the title of the blog would be: waiting for godot.

my first attempt at dating has been rather underwhelming.

for our first date, he was late. (as i get older, i have begun to be more germanic about my sense of time. ) nice guy. TALL. 6ft 4in. this, in itself, is a strange thrill. i love men who block out my view of the sun. tall men make my 'wees kneak.'

the date was nice. he called pesto... peesto but hey! i've slaughtered words in my time too. there was no kissing. i gave him a hug goodbye.

there have been tentative plans for a second date... twice. neither time materialized. the first time, he went to an office party had more fun than expected and asked to get together later. yeaaaaaaaaah, later was around 11-ish. no. i refuse to go out on a date with a man who is half drunk at that late hour. no more booty calls. i doubt that he saw it as one... the fact of the matter is why in the world would i run out in the middle of the night to hang out with a guy i barely know?

last night, "call me when you get off work," i did. two hours later, he called back. he had lost his cell phone and is calling me from his parents house. says that he needs to find his phone and will call me back in the next hour.... even if he needs to use a payphone.
no call. wanker.

i hate waiting. it annoys me.


NEXT....

quickly answered prayers

sometimes, God's seeming silence can feel deafening
sometimes, He answers our prayers by simply saying, "no."

and there other times, when the Holy Spirit speaks so loudly
that we either cry or laugh...

i am laughing.

my life is a full and wonderful one.
i, actually, like my family.
i am blessed with a friendship with a man i adore.
i am blessed with many other friendships.
i am single.
my life is brimming with possibility.

i left a bad relationship...
ok, so now what?

if i dwell on the negative, all i will see will be negative.

if i judge myself harshly, who do i have blame but myself for my shortcomings?

if i take steps to improve my life and deepen my relationship with God, then my life will have a richness beyond measure.

today, i am counting my blessings!

(thank you!!!)

one latte too many

first of all, my puppy is being very annoying LIVESTOCK right now. that's his new nickname whenever he acts up.... live stock!!! a little reminder that someone made a very valid point about animals... one that i don't wholly ascribe to but one that is very dead on at times. the thing is... livestock is never so mischevious!

i also wish that he weren't so right about trying to maintain a friendship with fred.
that's a bit disconcerting.

almost as disconcerting as hearing monk mention the attractiveness of various women including the baristas... i know that he's a man, a very attractive man.
it's hard to reconcile his chosen celibacy and chastity in the face of his still palpable libido.

more charm than bing crosby, i tell ya!

i made a vegetarian paellla for dinner tonight. i can be such a hippy chick sometimes!

life as a single woman...

i am wanting to get out and enjoy the joy of singledom. dating. dancing. go outing at night with people that i am not related to... meeting new people. yet, i've never been much of a seriel dater. i tend to either want to see more of a guy or move on. most of my single life has involved one date and... next! (thank heavens i haven't slept with as many people as i've kissed!!!)

being single is a strange place for me and yet, i also don't want to meet the right man... at least, not right now. i am not ready yet. i say all of this with one man resting on the edge of my thoughts...

monk...
he's still in love with someone... not me.
that's an odd feeling. a tinge of jealousy. a spoonful of wistfulness.
could i have been the girl?
could i have rocked his world? (this is not merely a sexual question.)
we never really dated. our relationship was all preamble... it ended just as it began.

on some days, i think that we would have made an interesting couple. i love spending time with him. i love listening to him tell stories. i enjoy simply having him in my life. his use of movie quotes in everyday life amuses me beyond belief.
i am a groupie. i've fallen for his charm hook, line, and sinker. "is that the sound of canon fire? or is it my heart beating???" i ask. (sigh, i'm just not as good at it as he is.)

i can imagine hours spent watching films snuggled into him...

on other days, most days, i am ashamed to even consider him as anything other than a man called to a vocation. he is amazing at his position. any parish that receives him should consider themselves lucky. the church is strengthened by men like him.

as i type this, i struggle with my ongoing, never ceasing attraction to the man and his amazingly beautiful eyes.

feeling all sixteen-ish

i am feeling rather boring. and living a boring life...

i just spoke to monk on the phone. my dear friend...and tonight, i felt inadequate... shallow.
has my puddle run dry? do i bore even a dear friend to near tears??? why do i feel like i am falling flat?

i am feeling inadequate, wanting, empty...

my life has become rather simplistic.
wake-up, walk the dog
eat, walk to work
work
walk home
walk the dog
eat
unpack, or clean, or write e-mails, or surf the net
walk the dogswith brother and mom
read
go to bed

i am stagnating.

i am fizzling... not sizzling.

i want a life!!!!!

i want companionship... but what do i have to offer?
why would anyone want to be with me, as i am now?

to make matters worse, after a few years of near-celibacy, I AM HORNY!!!
yet, i am feeling inadequate about my body...

part of me wishes that i were able to have sex with any tom, dick, or hanz... (hanz is an older man who asked me if i'd like to go to bed with him. yeaaaaaaaaah, NO.)

i want sex without sex. first base. second base... maybe third. all the boys that i want to make out with are MARRIED (and that's just against the rules!!!)

sigh

i wanta kiss someone!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i am sixteen again and just as insecure.